I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
