Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
