Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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