I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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