...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
