you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself