Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
