there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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