Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
