The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
