i jhust puked up my retainher.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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