Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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