So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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