I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I intend to get homeless drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
