I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
