you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
