so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
