my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
