New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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