Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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