don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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