Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
