So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
