My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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