drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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