just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
