Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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