So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
