dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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