Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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