You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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