gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
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I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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