It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
