on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
