my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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