why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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