You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
