So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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