Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
