she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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