Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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