all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
