If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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