I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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