We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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