She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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