i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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