Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
