I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
