I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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