You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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