Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
