I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
