her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
