i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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