only you would photoshop your dick
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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