umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
