so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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