Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm bleeding and have questions
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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