At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Randomize
