We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
