You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
