i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
