Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
