I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
