You just made me feel so damn special
I can tuck mytits in my pants
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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