So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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